


7.5 (everything came crashing down)

by tenjima



Series: the principle of the thing [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 09:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30087342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenjima/pseuds/tenjima
Summary: the one where tetsurou breaks things down and things break down tetsurou
Series: the principle of the thing [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179185
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	7.5 (everything came crashing down)

**Author's Note:**

> just wanna explain the tag really quick!!
> 
> first off, i am Very Sorry to kuroo tetsurou. second, you don't have to read this installment if you don't feel comfortable with the topic!! the references won't be very explicit, and i don't plan to ever go into explicit detail, but they will be mentioned in other installments from here on out. not every installment, but watch out for the beginning notes, especially if the relationship tag is kuroo/tsukki!! keep in mind that if it is tagged with the implied/referenced child abuse, it won't be talked about in great detail. third, i am Very Sorry to all of you for ruining the current mood of the series, but i promise this is one of very few installments that will be heavy and/or dealing with darker (?) themes! it's precisely why it was so positive that i decided to change it a little.
> 
> again, you don't have to read this installment if you don't want to, it's more of a backstory to tetsu's life. i personally would, especially since it'll be referenced in (an)other installment(s), but please don't feel like you have to!
> 
> sorry for the long note. happy reading x

Tetsurou is tired. Oh, it’s not all that horrible.

He goes through school, through university, with the same heaviness as he does everything else in life. And the only thing that made it better, in the beginning, was Koutarou (and Kenma, though Kenma tended to distance himself as far as possible from Koutarou and Tetsurou and still does whenever he gets the chance to), going to the same school as each other and then eventually, in their second year, the two of them, Koutarou and Tetsurou, the two people who should never live — alone — together, got a house, owned by the school. A _house_. Things like that are unheard of in sophomores, but they pushed and— God, not to mention the _grades_ that they had to pull to achieve this level of Superior Finesse. They lived outside of their bodies for the second half of freshman year, watched as their physical bodies studied and begged at their professors’ feet, did everything a good freshman should. (And they’ve vowed to _never fucking do that again_.)

The house also makes for the best parties, but sometimes Tetsurou doesn’t like the parties, doesn’t like the alcohol and the loud noises because it brings back memories Tetsurou would rather forget — of Him, of everything that He did to Tetsurou. (Tetsurou actually learned the Jägerbomb recipe from Him, the one that he uses to terrorise Tsukishima Kei with.)

Speaking of Tsukishima Kei.

Tetsurou met him, met this sarcastic, bitter fake blonde, with glasses and who was annoyingly very close to Tetsurou’s height even though he was (is) two years younger. Tetsurou met him, met Tsukishima Kei, and his whole life fell out of orbit, and Everything Came Crashing Down. The walls he’d spent years building up, perfecting, were gone, just like that.

He explains it to Koutarou like this: Falling in love with Tsukishima Kei was like learning how to swim in a pool but then being dropped into the ocean — no sides to grab onto, no way of grounding yourself, just miles and miles of water forever. Fucking terrifying, in other words, and Tsukishima Kei kind of very much really is, and so Tetsurou kept his distance at first, waited it out to see what kind of person Tsukishima was, but then Tetsurou couldn’t take it anymore and so he confessed — fucking awfully, he’ll admit — but then Tsukki rejected him and that. That hurt. A lot.

 _I’m the only one who will ever love you, Tetsurou. Remember that_. (And God, it’s a fucking Miracle that He never called Tetsurou Tetsu, because then he’d really be left with nothing.

He’d be left with nothing.)

Then things got better for a little bit. He and Tsukki were good. They _are_ good. But Kenma’s photoshoot — a _major grade_ as he’d told everyone leading up to the Date Of The Shooting Of The Photo(s). This is a _major grade_ so none of you can fuck it up. There’s no way to fuck it up. Oh — I need a dark-haired guy to be with Tsukishima. No not you Tetsurou, just because you’re his boyfriend doesn’t mean you suddenly fit the role, you look nothing like the guy in the painting I’m recreating anyway this is a _major grade_ didn’t I just say I can’t fuck it up?

Tetsurou loves Iwaizumi, loves the way he so coolly deals with Tooru Oikawa and everything, everyone else in life, wishes he were _more like Iwaizumi_ but that’s not the point because he saw the way Tsukki looked at Iwaizumi and thought _He’s never looked at me like that_.

 _I’m the only one who will ever love you. Your parents are gone. They left because of_ you _, Tetsurou._

 _It’s all your fault_.

Tetsurou remembers spending hours locked in the bathroom trying to clean himself up before going to school. Acting like everything was fine, wearing long sleeves even in summer because of the bruises He left, the blood he couldn’t scrub off, even though he rubbed his skin fucking raw.

So yes, he’s tired.

Oh, it’s not all that horrible.

* * *

When they first moved into the house, it was like ten weights had been lifted off Tetsurou’s shoulders. Freedom in freedom. The first step is college, and Tetsurou moved all the way across the country for that — and it felt So Fucking Good, seeing His face, seeing it crumble, seeing it twist into a million different emotions all at once, seeing Him have no power. The next was the house — free to do whatever he wanted in his own living space. The freedom of having all those _rooms_ , all to himself and someone he knows would never hurt him, knows would never say the things He said or do the things He did. (It’s not a very big house, but to Tetsurou, at first, it felt like he had control over the whole world.)

Tetsurou was lost, though. He was lost. He didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t, and Koutarou helped him, and Tetsurou doesn’t give his best friend enough credit, and for that. Well.

“I’m sorry,” he’d whispered to Koutarou after a day of unpacking, empty boxes everywhere and two cans of beer opened but otherwise untouched on the counter. They were sprawled out on the living room floor, too exhausted to even think about where they wanted everything, just breathing in the Same Space, Same Frequency, Same World. He didn’t know why he said it, still doesn’t, but it felt right, in the moment.

Koutarou had picked his head up, looked at Tetsurou. “For what?”

Tetsurou shrugged, best as he could lying on the floor. (Which didn’t even have a _carpet_ yet.) “Everything.”

“Don’t apologise Tetsu, you’re so fucking amazing.”

Tetsurou must have fallen asleep, or something, because he woke up alone, on the floor, and Koutarou was nowhere in sight, and Tetsurou was too tired to get up and go look.

* * *

Tetsurou supposes his world came crashing down even before he met Tsukki, but the thought is so frightening that he doesn’t like to think of it beyond _Maybe it could have_.

* * *

The problem with This, with the relationship stuff and the having to find the energy to make energy, is that he’s never done it before, he’s never been in a relationship before. The only person who ever said that they loved him was Him, and Tetsurou didn’t have to do anything but bear the hitting, the name-calling, the Lies That May Have Been Truths and The Truths That May Have Been Lies. Tetsurou didn’t have to put in effort, he just had to be present.

Nobody knows but Koutarou and Kenma. Tetsurou is sure there’s a pattern here, but he’s on the fence about telling Tsukki. “Tell him,” Koutarou says. “You need to tell him. It’ll hurt, but hurting is healing, y’know?”

If hurting is healing, then why did He do it, and what was He healing?

Tetsurou is tired. He’s so tired.

Oh, it’s not all that horrible.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/tenjima)
> 
> again i am Very Sorry to tetsu
> 
> next installment will be yachi and yamaguchi! out sometime soon


End file.
